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April 11, 2008

Stayin' Up Late

Bill Clinton has struck again -- against his own wife.

He brought up the nearly dormant "landing under sniper fire" issue yesterday in Indiana. He said his wife misspoke because it was late and she was tired. Criticizing the reporters who seized on it, he added:

"And some of them when they're 60 they'll forget something when they're tired at 11 at night, too."

Isn't Hillary Clinton's big claim that she is razor sharp at 3 a.m.?

Now, according to him, she's so old and fuzzy that she starts hallucinating before the "Tonight Show" comes on.

Dick Cheney and the Naked Woman

I'm kind of  in a hurry, so could you think up your own fly and rod jokes?  Thank you.

My Kingdom for a Caller

I thought MY show had problems.

April 10, 2008

My Kingdom for a White Person

And then there's this!

Maybe McCain and Obama can work out some kind of audience exchange program.

Old White Guy + Old White Guy With Glasses = Diversity

Mccainshays

I had to look carefuly at this photo to reassure myself it was not a John McCain clone introducing his host organism. Had he replicated through mitosis? No, it was just Chris Shays. The other day one of  McCain's many ill-considered introducers caused a few raised eyebrows when he compared Tiger Woods, unflatteringly, to McCain. I have no idea what that meant or whether anyone should care about it; but I think it was a pretty random comment that drew undue attention because the face of the McCain campaign has been, over and over, the face of old white men. With a few young white men sprinkled in sometimes.  Condi Rice rumors notwithstanding, they don't even seem to be trying to make this look inclusive. It's the Last Hurrah of the Oldigarchy. David Letterman said McCain looks like the guy who makes the keys at the hardware store. It's as if this campaign consists of nothing but those guys, marching down mainstreet in their True Value aprons.

I'm not making a value judgment here. Just questioning the stagecraft. Why don't they at least pretend this isn't happening?

April 09, 2008

Long Ago, in a Cafeteria Far Away

I think I'm finally figuring out -- with help -- how to embed video here. I stole this one from Good Ole Memo, but it really is too funny not to share:

Case Closed on the Lieberman Website

I had either the best or worst seat in the house in August 2006 when the fight erupted over the crashing of Joe Lieberman's campaign website which, as of today, is officially the fault of the Joe Lieberman campaign.

My Connecticut talk show runs from 3 to 6 p.m. and, long before that day, it had turned into the Bull Run of the Lieberman-Lamont war. They did a lot of their fighting on my clock. On primary day, when the dispute arose about what was happening to the website, I was sort of a human battlefield and, in retrospect, it was more interesting as a lesson in how media wars are fought these days.  Operatives from the two campaigns started spinning me, by phone, as I was driving in to work, and they never stopped, especially once the show got rolling. There was a kind of fusion of e-mail, talk show and cell phone as each side tried to convince me -- sometimes in heated conversations during commercial breaks -- that the other side was wrong and possibly evil. It was a question that was impossible to resolve on a real time basis, but it was definitely fought out that way. On balance, I think that was good. We managed to get the arguments of each side on the air.  To their credit, the Lamont people figured out the truth pretty quickly -- that they hadn't done it and that inherent problems with Lieberman's skimpy web set up had caused the problem.

At some point during the show, it became clear to me that Lamont web director Tim Tagaris Taga (pictured) was doing one of the things he does best -- turn loose 1,000 unpaid researchers on a problem in order to get a rapid response. He had people all over the nation geeking out on the question of what could have caused the crash.  The hypothesis they offered me, in real time, is pretty close to what we have now as the official truth, years later.

Lieberman will never apologize because he never does. The other people connected to this whole episode -- and they know who they are -- would do themselves proud if they stepped forward and expressed even mild contrition.

It also has to be said, in the interest of fairness, that one possible reason they thought they'd been hacked was because the Tagaris operation did have a fondness for cyber-guerilla tactics. They eventually Google-bombed Lieberman so that they could control the top menu of search results involving their rival.  But that doesn't excuse the Lieberman crowd for their strongly-worded and unfounded attacks on that day.

The other point that may have some lasting value is the way the dispute reflected Lieberman's psychology, which permeated his campaign staff. "The people who are against us are bad people." He parades himself as the Great Reconciler, the Yankee Peddler of bi-partisan bonhomie; but he actually takes the whole process a lot more personally and bitterly than most poiticians do.  His fondness for common ground only switches on when you're standing on that ground with him.  Dare to have a different view of the world, and you're liable to get lumped in with the orcs and trolls and forces of Mordor. Liebergrimace

And Lanny Davis is still an emu.

Big Hands I Know You're the One

Last night Mortimer consented to hang out with me, and we decided to watch "Rocket Science" on Rocketscienceposterbig DVD. Mortimer approached it with reservations because the film has been compared to "Rushmore," and Mortimer is one of America's leading "Rushmore" scholars, able to quote and parse obscure aspects of the film in ways I find a little daunting.

"Nothing can be compared to 'Rushmore'," said Mortimer as I closed the DVD tray to start this film.

True.  But "Rocket Science" is not without its unique charms, although at times it seems almost like an impasto of every quirky, throwaway-laden high-school-is-misery movie you've ever seen.  "Rushmore," "Election," "Welcome to the Doll's House," "Napoleon Dynamite" all seem to have exerted some useful influence on this movie. It's crammed with familiar tropes, including the one about the parental generation coming amusingly unglued one floor up from the teens. "Rocket Science" has layers and layers of jokes, and one of them involves a husband and wife (minor characters) who, for some reason connected to their marriage, spend a lot of time playing a cello and violin arrangement of  "Blister in the Sun," by the Violent Femmes. (This seems like a nod, also, to "Grosse Point Blank.") They're not important in the scheme of the movie, but the cello, briefly, is.  One trope that seems a little overworked these days is the cheerful, supportive Asian sidekick (see "Disturbia"), but "Rocket Science" does, at least, something new and funny with it.

About a third of the way in, I realized I loved this movie. It may be a little imitative, but it has its own dark intelligence. I don't think anybody else ever really used the rapid-fire speech patterns of debaters to such comic effect, and I love the way the script just bulldozes enormous piles of humorous content at you. Roy Blount Jr. once told me that humor should be like a great Christmas where you finish unwrapping a present only to have another one shoved at you right away. This movie doesn't let you catch your breath. I like a movie which makes you laugh hard but quietly, so you don't miss the next joke.

It's also the best movie about stuttering ever. But stuttering is just a metaphor for isolation and lack of confidence. When Hal, the disfluent protagonist, privately scrawls out the answer his teacher his asking for but cannot bring himself to say it aloud, even enduring the teacher's withering scorn rather than risk trying to say "nom de plume,"  half the audience says, "I've done that."

Mortimer (who has done that) loved the movie too, but Hal's agonies rang so true for him at times that Mortimer found himself holding his napkin in front of his eyes rather than behold Hal's latest fiasco.  "Can anything go right?" Mortimer demanded at one point.

Rocketscience2 Near the end, though, Mortimer resumed his defense of  "Rushmore."

"The reason it's better is that I know exactly how this movie is going to end.  You could never predict the end of 'Rushmore' or even really describe what that ending is," Mortimer announced.

Those of you who have seen "Rocket Science" already know that Mortimer was wrong. If there's a less predictable, more-Rushmorean ending to a teen movie, I don't know what it is.

"When you like a movie, you really like it," Mortimer told me.

"We have to own this," I told him.

And we will.

April 08, 2008

Old? Fat? Gray?

I'm devastated.

How I Think About Sheff v. O'Neill

                    The testimony that still haunts me came from an elementary school teacher at Barnard Brown. Her name was Gladys Hernandez.  She was taking her students on their one yearly field trip; and, as the bus crossed the bridge over the Connecticut River, the students stood, gasped, cheered. They had never seen this river before, even though it flowed less than a mile or two, probably, from their homes.  Most of them lived with single moms who didn't have much access to transportation. They lived in a dangerous neighborhood, and they hadn't been anywhere else.
                    In that sense, Sheff v. O'Neill was about so much more than the windless sailboat of Hartford education. It was about "experiential poverty," about an 18-square-mile game preserve of very, very poor people whose children have never been to a movie theater or ridden a pony.
                    And, in that sense, the lawsuit wasn't really about fixing the schools. It's probably more truthful to say that schools provided a fulcrum, because the right to public education is guaranteed in Connecticut's state constitition. The right to fall asleep without hearing gunfire is not. Neither is the right to nutritious food or the right to speak with somebody who notices that you can throw a softball well or that you have a gift for playing stringed instruments. The Constitution does not guarantee you the right to winter coat or say anything about what happens when you show up for school  shivering.                                                                                                                                                                               
              So you can sue the state over substandard education, over the schools where the cafeteria floods every time it rains and where the ceiling has collapsed four times in a few years, on one occasion raining down the decayed carcasses of hundreds of pigeons were were trapped in the rafters during a previous shoddy repair.
            But what you're really litigating about is something deeper, more upsetting. It's about a level of despair so deep and black that  school principals become accustomed to dealing with multiple attempted suicides ... among their third graders.
           That was the essence of Sheff v. O'Neill.  Its basic argument was about a class of 30 kids, 28 or 29 or 30 0f whom were piled high, like overburdened pack animals, with poverty, poor medical care, drugs, violence, neglect, family discord, no family at all. Kids who show up late and tired and hungry and depressed and angry.
                You can maybe teach a class of 30 if you've got four kids like that. But not if you've got 28.
                So those kids sued the rest of us, and the court sided with them.
                I've decided that Sheff v. O'Neill is not really a legal case and that none of  settlements or proposed forms of redress will ever work, unless we change.  It's a moral case. It makes a moral argument. The problem is that we don't listen to moral arguments anymore, so you've got to dress them up as lawsuits.
                 The thing that broke down worst of all was us -- the people with hope and resources --  and our supposed Judeo-Christian values. Those values are unambiguous about what we're supposed be be doing for others who are poor, who are sick, who are helpless.  We can do it through our churches or through Boys' and Girls'  Clubs or Big Brothers Big Sisters or through some other mentoring or intervention. But we're supposed to do it. Those values are supposed to be the spine of this country.      
                 But if we lived them -- even just a little -- there would have been no compelling case to make in Sheff v. O'Neill, because each of use would have identified those children as our moral responsibility, a long time ago.
                   It's sick that the government and the courts had to be involved and had to tell us what we should have known anyway -- that those kids are our kin.