Is Anything Good?

My mother has grown sicker in recent days so that, for now, I cannot even take out outside the nursing home in a wheelchair. At one entrance to St. Mary Home in West Hartford is  a long  modern porte-cochere. On the hottest days, a breeze will nevertheless spill through that space, and it was one of our pleasures, just a couple of weeks ago,  to roll out there and sit for a while.

On one such day, she broke the silence with,

   "Is anything good?"

   "How do you mean?"

  "I was just sitting here trying to think of something good. Because I'm so sad."

  "I'm sorry.  There are lots of good things. Just sitting here in the breeze is a good thing."

   "You know, there's a song about this.  About your favorite things."

   I nod.  Dimly aware that several other groups of people are sitting out there under the porte-cochere, I sing:

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens"

Neither one of us can remember the copper kettles or the mittens, but we both sing

"Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things."

My mother sings in a slight croak, partly because she wears a stiff plastic collar on her broken neck. The other people are beginning to notice, so we cut straight to:

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.""

And then we roll back inside. And I promise you: this happened.

Comments

[ss]

Colin, thank you for sharing that moment.
I had one just like it when my Mom was in the hospice. Semi-conscious most of the time, we couldn't talk much. Then there was this half-hour period when she awoke and, suddenly, we were talking about everything. I'm so glad I was there when that moment arrived.
Later, when she had lapsed again, I played a cassette tape of one of her favorite songs, holding the earphones close to her ears. As soon as she heard the opening riff of Glenn Miller's "In the Mood," she awoke just enough to squeeze my hand and whisper "Thank you."

[Matt]

Wow, did this ever ring true for me... very, very shortly before people who I loved dearly died, there was a happy moment of clarity, just like this one. And it's absolutely impossible to forget the moment, and you'll see it in everything for the rest of your life.

[Denise]

So it becomes really clear how much you truly do love your mother. That kind of love redeems you from anything you may or may not have done, don't you think?

[a rose is a rose]

my moms was in st marys for a bit of time. i liked it there (considering). i liked the staff as well.

my thoughts are with you

[Cindy]

Is Anything Good? What could be better than Colin McEnroe doing Julie Andrews? It brings joy to my heart......

[Nick4nct]

I went through the same thing with my dad recently at a nursing home.
Right now there isn't a damn thing in the world that really matters.
Keep spending the time as much as you can it makes and will always make all the difference in the world to both of you
I wish you and your Mom the best and hope that things will turn out ok.

[Allen Marko]

My Dad suffered from dementia brought on by a MERSA infection. He had basically stopped eating and was in a secure facility because the nursing home he had been in couldn't handle him. One night he looked at me and spoke clearly for the first time in weeks. "I want to go home" he said. I had to tell him that he was very sick and had to stay in the hospital. "All right" was his response. Unfortunately, the doctors told me that many people have moments of clarity like that just before the end. That was true in his case as he passed away shortly thereafter.

[april]

Thank you Colin,
You reminded me of a sweet time with my Nana(grandma).
As adults we need those gentle,nurturing moments.
Your mom is in my prayers~

[john griffith]

That is a memory to cherish, so sweet, tears in my eyes, my mom had Alzheimer's and there really weren't any good memories. my thoughts are with you, keep up the good work.

[RoseZ]

Is it my fragile state, or do you just have a penchant to draw tears from my eyes? Maybe a little of both.

And my "Mortimer" called me yesterday afternoon while my husband and I were dining in Manchester. He said, "Hi, Mom? I was in an accident. I'm in the hospital, but I'm being released. I was hit by a car. Hold on, I have another call."

With that I hung and hung and hung. Well, he's okay. We thought we were going up there (WPI), but he said he was fine. A cracked rib and some bruising -- oh and a bit of damage to the $1400 bicycle he purchased with his earnings on the Malloy campaign over the summer. But that is just a "thing."

But right now, I have to echo your mother's question. Is anything good? I'm not feeling it right now.

[z]

What a wonderful moment. It brought tears to my eyes and rekindled the memory of my mother's stay in nursing home.Thank you!

[Karen]

That is a lovely story, Colin. My 85 year old mother has had dementia for 2 years and theres never anything like that, something that would make me feel that she has some memory of when I was a child or of my father or anything that even made sense. Her general physical health is pretty good, but other than aspects of her personality that remain, its just gone and what she'll say is things like, "Where are the girls?" or "Why don't you let the men do that?" In other words, people who don't exist and never existed.

Dementia is going to affect most people in some way. Either you'll have it or you'll spend years of your life caring for someone who has it or both.

[JoeBob]

And now you've got one more thing to add to your list. Right up at the top.

[David Edelstein]

That was very, very good.

[Jude]

My mom and I shared a moment in the past few years in which she wept, and I cradled her head, stroked her hair, and told her it would be alright. And while in that experience, it flashed on me how often she had done the same for me. I felt grown up, in that moment.