Old? Fat? Gray?

I'm devastated.

Comments

[Jane]

First, she said "a little fat," second, the truth is: women care much less about the visible qualities your stalker described/wounded you with.

Somehow, I doubt there are many men in this country (we might be able to locate some in an entirely different culture) crushing on whipsmart, witty, aging (as opposed to non-aging) women. It sucks for us.

[Denise]

While all the above may be true, well, is true, it never really matters when you realize you really are old, fat and gray - it is devastating. I have lots of nice friend who tell me what a great, nice, smart, funny person I am and they love me - but when I look in the mirror I see I am old, fat (well, plump - no, lets make it fat) and would be gray if I didn't spend lots of money to not be gray. I am however, thinning terribly on top and that's just as bad. The worst part of the whole thing is, I never realized what a vain and shallow person I really am until I started hating my turkey neck and jowls. Maybe the rest of the posters are just a lot better adjusted than I am with better self images, but I admit I hate not being young and hot anymore. There, I said it.

[Bruno81]

My only criticism is that she forgot to add "arthritic."

[moe]

The little picture of Colin at the top of this blog is so handsome.

[nmc]

obviously she doesn't know you're an african american female!

[Lynn Marie]

Hey... you're working on the "fat" thing...and even doing public weigh-ins to keep you honest.

Grecian formula on the hair and the beard will take care of the gray.

And "Old"? Well, that's a state of mind.

She compares you to Jon Stewart: a great compliment, as I see it.

"No money"? How does she know that? Obviously she doesn't know you're a published author of such notable works as "My Father's Footprints" (reviewed favorably in "People" magazine) and "Lose Weight through Great Sex with Celebrities (the Elvis Way.)"

Oh, and the national talk radio show thing? Rush Limbaugh has that... and he really IS fat, old and gray, not to mention dispicable. Wouldn't you rather be you than him?

There really is no substitute for scintillating wit and intelligence, Colin. Remember that... and count your blessings!

[Carl]

Wow. If Julia Sweeney were secretly in love with this girl, the circle would be complete!

[Wolverine]

Well buddy, there's two ways to go, here. True story: many years ago, Marlon Brando was sitting at a table near a friend of mine at a Northern California restaurant. My friend (we'll call him Pete, for 'twas his name) said the dude was huge, sort of a supertanker in a nice linen outfit, but he still had this amazing presence. Pete's companion said he still seemed sexy to her.

Anyway, all through the meal my friend did everything he could to try to hear what Brando was talking about, without being too obvious about it. Time was running out when Pete was finally successful, and he heard a complete sentence. What did Brando say? Was it a statement on Native American issues, or whether a certain film had any merit? Did he wax nostalgic about making love to some of the most incredible women in history?

No. He said, "I want another piece of cake."

So there you have it. You can mew like a stuck Superdelegate about not having the aspect of George Clooney, and wallow in life's cruel decay.

Or, you can have another piece of cake.

Bon Appetite.

[joejoejoe]

Maybe she means it like the rapper ODB. Ol' Phat Grise.

[Connor Hollister]

Yeah but on the bright side she also notes you have no money, no charisma and no national talk show.

You two will have to live on love...

[Tom the toy designer]

Last time I looked, GOD was old, fat and gray. Say something holy.

[Jennifer Cooper]

I meant to say "Oh, for crying out loud, stop fretting."

(that's for you, Jude.)

I think we should all use retro exclamations like that, to guard against their extinction.

For the love of Pete, agree with me.

[Jude]

Dude, this was "Real Boyfriend" talking. Real "I am insecure in my plac ein the pack and threatened by this wiley dominant male who my girlfriend has clearly identified as desireable" Boyfriend.

He's just talking smack so she will stop pining for you.....

[Terrence McCarthy]

Beware. This person stalked me for years. She's the reason I moved from Connecticut to an undisclosed location in a state somewhere northwest of Peoria. From what I've learned, she is attracted to witty, cerebral wordsmiths whose names begin with Mc

I changed my name ( I won't divulge it, but it's Lutheran sounding. One of the characters in Fargo had the same one ) I stopped writing and reading and haven't told a joke in years. I sell real estate, or try to. The economy being what it is and all.

All I'm saying is be careful. Be less witty. Change your name to Olaf or something and move away
from the Land of Steady Habits.

Good luck. And, by the way, Wyoming is really nice this time of year.

[Wade]

By the looks of some recent photos she could have said balding too. But she didn't. So ya know, there's that.

A little Grecian, hit the treadmill and Yoga room some more and you might have a shot...

[Jennifer Cooper]

Oh, stop fretting. Maybe they meant PHAT.

[Sherry]

Devastated? You should be flattered to be loved for your wit and intellect! Cute is fleeting, smart and funny last forever!

[C. Rice (not that one)]

You are not fat. Old is relative. And I believe you are heterosexual, as well.

Oh -- you said "gray." Sorry, can't help you there.