Your favorite band is probably gay
Everyone knows Satan is the driving force behind rock music, but were you aware that most rock music makes you gay?
It's true, according to Love God's Way, a (hopefully satirical) website. Wilco, Ravi Shankar, Sufjan Stevens, Motorhead, Ghostface Killah: all conniving homosexuals, scheming to convert you to their sinful lifestyle with, say, hook-laden 28-minute sitar ragas sure to stir up unnatural sexual impulses. There are other surprises on the list. Morrissey? Of "questionable" sexuality. Elton John? "Really gay." (No! Not Elton John! He seemed so butch.) Boy George? So gay his name is simply marked with an asterisk.
And how about that Sufjan Stevens? Pretty sneaky, running around believing in Jesus and getting his "Seven Swans" album included in the Christian Rock Essentials round-up in last month's issue of Spin.
Fortunately, there are safe bands, too: 13 of them! They include Jars of Clay, POD and Cyndi Lauper (she sang about masturbation, sure, but not GAY masturbation).
If this website is a joke, then well done -- especially the video, which is either the greatest satire of religion-based bigotry anyone has ever made, or seriously messed up.
I was going to ask the same thing Francesca (that is one of the best names ever) asked. Anyone who is the inspiration for some of Morrissey's lyrics surely cannot be gay.
Additionally, I always knew there was something evil about a man (Sufjan Stevens) who writes entire albums based on Midwestern states. Hahaha.
Posted by: Derek Warren | January 25, 2007 at 04:44 PM
WHAT??? Since when is Ghostface Killah gay? A conniving homosexual? Where do you get that info? Are you sure it's not YOU who's gay? And I dare you to say that to any member of Wu-Tang and see what happens! Where you from, that you think you know about hip hop?
Eric replies: Did you keep reading before you overreacted?
Posted by: Frank | January 25, 2007 at 12:31 PM
Wow... thank god i get to keep my cyndi lauper collection. But someone better alert jay-z that he's been outed before beyonce stumbles across this site.
Posted by: Eric Stillman | January 25, 2007 at 10:47 AM
when did oscar wilde become a "reformed homosexual?"
Posted by: francesca | January 25, 2007 at 10:44 AM
I assume you've seen the music video?
Eric replies: Yep, and I've revised the post a little.
Posted by: Flannery | January 24, 2007 at 09:43 PM